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Discuss children and parenthood before marriage

Whether to have children is a personal decision, not a requirement for marriage. A useful conversation makes room for certainty, uncertainty and the possibility that views or circumstances may change. Discuss desire, timing, caregiving and values without trying to force a preferred answer.

By ShaadiProblems Editorial Team · Updated 29 September 2026

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Start with whether, not when

Do not assume both people want children. Each person should be able to answer honestly without pressure from a partner or family.

  • Do you want children, not want them, or feel unsure?
  • What experiences have shaped that view?
  • What would you need before revisiting the question?

Discuss timing and uncertainty

Career, health, fertility, finances and care responsibilities can affect timing. Plans should not be treated as guarantees.

  • Is there a broad timeline you imagine?
  • How would we respond if conception were delayed or not possible?
  • What information would we seek before considering fertility care, adoption or another path?

Make caregiving visible

Move beyond saying that responsibilities will be equal. Talk about the daily work and how employment or family support may affect it.

  • How might night care, appointments and household work be divided?
  • Would either career be expected to pause or change?
  • Who could help, and what boundaries would we want around that help?

Compare parenting values

You do not need a complete parenting plan, but values can reveal important expectations.

  • How do we think about discipline and emotional expression?
  • What role should religion, language and culture play?
  • How would we make health and education decisions?

Handle family expectations respectfully

Parents and relatives may have strong hopes about timing or family size. Decide together what information remains private and how you will respond to pressure. Neither partner should use family expectations to override the other's consent.

Related guides and services

These prompts support reflection and conversation. They cannot verify a partner's honesty or safety, predict whether a marriage will succeed, or replace professional or legal advice. If you are in immediate danger, contact local emergency services.